I honestly had no clue about what to name this post because it covers so much. I stared at a blank screen for roughly twenty minutes before it came to me.
Word Salad.
Word Salad seemed to fit.
Word Salad: a mixture of random words, while arranged in phrases that appear to give them meaning, actually carry no significance.
While my thoughts carry significance, they are coming at me so fast it's like driving on the wrong side of 264 and I just cannot seem to process the information in a constructive manner.
Just for you all I did my best to organize my thoughts as best I could:
Thought #1
Baby making is tough.
Yes, we are just in the beginning process.
But all the "prep" to get to the baby making is already making me anxious.
(There is a list of annoyances in this thought so it gets bullets!!!)
*Daily Temperatures
Taking your temperature every morning @ the same time, typing it into computer, assessing [how do I put this lightly...] ones self. A great tool that has assisted me with this is fertilityfriend.com check it out if you are on the path to procreation.
*Vitamins
I HATE vitamins!!! They make me sick to my stomach and I am not even pregnant! Then even finding one I can take is a battle. Most vitamin companies use gluten as a filler in their vitamins. So finding a prenatal vitamin that is of a chewable nature and does not include gluten was a less than desirable task. Now bring on the Iron. Due to my wonderful genetics I am massively anemic, so they are a MUST for me and the future Kinane.
*Decrease in the Vino
Well apparently according to "some" doctors women who are trying to get pregnant should limit their alcohol intake. No more beer, fine. No more liquor, no problem. No more vino? AHHHHH.
This baby may never get made. That is actually really horrible of me to say.
But hey we all have to make sacrifices for our children.
Limited adult grape juice is my first for the future Kinane.
*Doctors
Those who know me well know I'm not a fan of doctors because whenever I go there is something ALWAYS wrong! And speaking of doctors we have a prenatal counseling appointment with my "lady doctor" at the start of March to determine weather we keep her as the "deliverer of life" or if we get to go to the scary doctors with the big-big lights at EVMS in Norfolk.
*Timed "Go-Time"
Well its a part of baby making. "Go-Time" as we will call it. One, we have to put our sex life on a chart. Two, when ovulation is a happening we are basically "Go-Timing" it a lot. I know Jimmy won't mind at all but I have a very hectic schedule and to schedule "Go-Time" into my regular schedule just seems weird to me.
Then "the thought" hit me. What if it what happened with Gregory happens again?
Nope. Don't go there Angie.
Then another thought hit me. What about my mom?
Thought #2
Mom has cancer. Her stage III adenoid cystic carcinoma tumor was removed with good margins and no lymphnode involvement. BUT, and this is a big but; she is refusing radiation.
Mom is choosing a holistic cancer treatment method over other "traditional" cancer treatment methods. I am proud of her for finding her own treatment path. I support her choice although it wasn't easy to accept. What can I say I'm a little bias and I'd like to keep my mom around as long as humanly possible. Although I support her decision and remain optimistic; I am still scared as s%&! that her cancer will come back.
Ok. Angie get yourself together you are becoming DRAMATIC!!!
Just think about March...MARCH, MARCH...I start my preceptorship in March!
Thought #3
GRADUATION. NCLEX. RN
This wonderful thing has now caused me undue stress and abnormal thought. There is so much to do in so little time. I got my preceptorship on the unit I wanted; cardiac step-down at Norfolk General. Awesome right? I know. Enter stress. We are finally on our own working under our precepting nurse doing NURSING duties. STRESS.
Since we started nursing school we've had our instructor right there whenever we did something other than bed baths and vital signs to our patients.
We are now on OUR OWN! Yes, we have a nurse with us but this crap is serious man. Patients lives now actually rely on me and my actions. STRESS.
And I decided to do my preceptorship on a cardiac step-down! AM I NUTS?!?!?!? these patients are really sick. There is a reason the nurse: patient ratio is 1:4 and not 1:6!!! What the hell was I thinking!!!!
I am excited so excited for this journey but I am freaked the f*&@ out!
Then it all just became sooooooo overwhelming.
Gregory. Future Kinane. Mom. Graduation.
I cried. In the dark. As Jimmy slept so easily next to me. Then Jimmy did the unthinkable!
He let out a snore.
How the hell could he be off in dreamland doing Lord knows what and I am staring at the ceiling fan with tear-filled eyes on the brink of a mental breakdown?!?!?!
That's it. I couldn't lay there anymore.
So I got up, walked to the bathroom and took my temperature. Seemed like the right thing to do.
